Monday, August 1, 2011

The Rooster


I live in Pennsylvania in a pretty rural area. I love where we live and am thankful for the openness of it. I am thankful for my view. However, I am not thankful for the rooster that lives next door.

The people that live next door have a small property that is overrun with clutter, broken down cars (about 10 of them), clothes lines strung off random objects, a shed that is only 1/2 built and has been 1/2 built for weeks, a pool that is sitting in a heap instead of full of water and a TON of kid's toys that the kids never seem to play with.

But the one thing that bothers me worse than the terrible view is the rooster.  There are actually two roosters and a bunch of chickens that run around outside of their coop. One rooster in particular (let us call him Dead Meat) crows every 30 seconds or so. Literally every 30 seconds. I hear him at 3am, I hear him at 9pm. I don't know when Dead Meat sleeps.

I have timed Dead Meat and occasionally he goes more than a minute without a crow. But sometimes it is closer to 10 seconds. What in the world is wrong with the stupid animal that it cannot shut up? Of course it isn't the roosters fault.

How are the owners that live in the house dealing with the rooster since he is so much closer to them then me? How are they sleeping? I am barely staying asleep with my a/c running all night and a white noise machine. I think I may have robots as neighbors since clearly no one would be able to sleep through this.

As I am typing this, Dead Meat is still crowing...and crowing...and crowing. Did you know they have an "eHow" on how to stop a rooster from crowing? Here is what they say.

1. Catch the rooster. Clearly the neighbors would be wondering what I was doing trying to catch a rooster and so I would probably have to wear black (I have the cutest black shoes and they have great traction so this may work) and sneak on their property at night. Supposedly while they are sleeping through the crowing. The step continues with "place 1 or 2 other hens in the coop to encourage the rooster to cooperate". Okay, so now I need a few hens. This may get expensive depending on how costly hens are. And the neighbors built a coop that doesn't close so Dead Meat could get out at any time.

2. So supposedly after I wear black, sneak into the neighbors yard carrying two hens (can you put hens in Trader Joes bags?) I now have to Place the rooster into a low coop for the night, with roosts going up at least one side that resemble a ladder. And then I have to put a tarp over the coop to blacken it completely. I am now going to have to carry two hens and a tarp. I believe the neighbors may realize there is a tarp over the chicken coop. Of course I could be wrong since the yard is so cluttered they may not realize it. And how am I to not allow light into a poorly constructed coop when it is August and we get so much sun?

That is the big advice I get from eHow. There was a great comment posted by a lady named Sandi which gave me a chuckle. It stated to just chop off the rooster's head. Which truly could be the possible solution for Dead Meat. For some reason I think I may just have to live with the crowing until I can phys myself enough to kill the rooster.

(Disclaimer: for those of you who don't know me, I apologize every time I kill an ant and I don't have it in me to kill anything bigger than an ant so there is no chance of me murdering the world's most annoying rooster. But don't think I am not thinking of it every time the rooster wakes me up.)

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